Friday 18 September 2015
Tuesday 15 September 2015
Everyone needs a rahbar in their life (part1)
RAHBAR IS A TWO WAY ROAD
YOU THINK, QUESTION AND SEEK ANSWERS, TOGETHER!!!
It was like an oasis in the desert. i had been wanting to do something but with 3 small kids, a full time job was out of the question. That is why when I heard of TCF RAHBAR, I was quite excited.
Only seven Saturdays, 4 -5 hours each time, pick and drop facility, it seemed pretty much possible. All I knew was we would go to a TCF campus in the city and spend time with grade 9 students there, mentoring on life skills.
it seemed a little vague to me and when i attended the orientation, the confusion
grew.
"The kids will amaze you,"," this experience will change you," i have come for my own self", "the program has given me more than i could give it," were some of the views old mentors shared with us and i just didnt know what it all meant.
we were divided into groups,one group for each campus (almost 12 volunteers in our group) with a coordinator to manage the team. i knew absolutely no one and was already having second thoughts. anyway, we introduced ourselves and had a little discussion and then it was time
to leave. i liked the team i was working with. they were decent, polite, friendly people who were pursuing very interesting careers and degrees. it felt
great to see young, girls exploring their potential and stepping into the world with confidence.
i was paired with a co-mentor and as a team we had a group of four students to mentor.
working with a stranger to mentor 4 more strangers, it seemed quite
challenging, more when you are a person who doesnt open up so easily. but i took it as a job that demanded us to share our personal experiences with
the kids so that they could learn from them and so i did. We were to gather at the stop at HKB, from where we were taken in TCF VANS to the beautiful TCF campus as noorpur, as distant as the name sounds:) but soon, we volunteers got so comfortable that the ride became a joy!!
At the campus, we started off with getting to know the kids, names, interests, family, siblings, good and bad habits
and so on. it didnt come easy. while they seemed in awe of the bajis who had come to spend time with them, their eyes sparkling with excitement, they didnt
want to give any negative impression and so were reluctant to share their weak side. however, when we began being honest about ourselves, our mistakes as
daughters, our selfishness and impatience as sisters, a slight smile of understanding began to appear on their lips as if they knew what we meant and
realized how they tend to do the same at times. Being the eldest, middle, youngest or only child seemed to make a difference and it helped to know it to
understand them better. having known what it feels to be a daughter and a mother, I could tell them what goes in the heart and mind of both. Ami may say shes
not hungry just because she wants you to eat to your hearts content. She may not say it, but she would love a hug and a kiss once in a while. She may be
upset at you because she is tired and would calm down the second you take that bucket load of laundry from her and wash it yourself. and while we talked about
all this, we were listening to ourselves too, and realized how wrong we had been on so many instances. It was a bitter sweet realization that made us want to
rush over and hug our moms and thank them for all they had done and borne.
another interesting observation was when we asked them who was their most favourite person in the world. the answer was unanimous; the person who cared for and loved them the most. for some it was their father who brought them special treats,for another it was her brother, for one it was her cousin who was always there for her and listened to her. This in itself became a definition of what traits make a person special for someone; one who loves and cares for them. so if they want to become special for someone, that was the route to take.
We discussed the professions of their parents and realized that hard work with honesty is worthy of respect, irrespective of what you do. We couldnt help feeling ashamed how we discriminate the farmers, plumbers, carpenters, painters and mechanics in our society, instilling a low image of them in our kids minds too as if it would be below them to do something like that in life. 'Dignity of labor' had only been a set of words for us but that day we understood its true meaning. These girls had parents who were toiling night and day to give them a better life than they had and we had no right but to instill in them pride and gratefulness for what their parents did, not shame and embarrassment. it was really cute to have one of them state the profession of her father as a farmer instead of a 'kissan'. It seemed as if she felt it will hold more respect in our eyes if she stated it in english.
We talked about the importance and purpose of education, a question we ourselves had trouble finding the answer to. Is education merely a means to make money, to get rich, to find a degree and job? Or is there a greater purpose, a higher objective!!! It was a struggle to arrive at an answer after quite some brainstorming.
Education is meant to give you the realization of your own capacities and capabilities, to assist you is discovering and digging out the potential you were born with, to help you attain the level of ashrafulmakhluqaat that you were bestowed with, to give you a sense of right and wrong, the courage to practise goodness despite all hurdles and the bravery to condemn evil regardless of what may be the consequences!! It is meant to give you the drive and determination to carry on come what may, to not give up, to stay positive, to not accept defeat or failure, to stay in the race even if you come last for what chance you have by standing out!!!
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Living Under a Shadow
Parents sometimes themselves become a cause of friction between siblings
'She's nothing like Maria!I don't know who she's taken to!' were the words of Maha's mother who was once again comparing Maha with her elder sister. While Maria was responsible, intelligent and outgoing, Maryam was careless, reserved and lost in her own world. The two undoubtedly had their own unique personalities but the contrast was too troubling for their family who unconsciously had started making regular mention of it on a daily basis.
Such situations are common spectacles in our households where siblings are very openly and insensitively discussed and compared with each other and what's worse, it is done in their very presence. While parents may think it is totally harmless and the kids dont have a clue of what they are talking about, kids consciously or unconsciously take influence from such discussions. Those admired feel more confident as well as burdened with expectations while those condemned/criticized further envelop in their cocoons, their confidence reducing even more, their self respect falling down, anger and frustration boiling inside them.
Another major downside of this scenario is the creation of animosity amongst siblings, who start eyeing each other as rivals or enemies, each regarding the other as the cause of trouble in her life. The responsible one blames the other for all the extra work she may have to do because of her carelessness while the careless one may blame the other for being too goody-two-shoes, trying to be mama's sweet heart. Moreover, if parents are adamant on raising clones, hardly anything the slow one would do will succeed to impress them for they would always compare it with the smart kid, who might have done it better or earlier at his stage.
Achievements of one lurk like a shadow over the other's head who unsuccessfully seeks to step out of it and stand in her own light. Be it school or home, either one is given example of his/her sibling to perform or improve like her. I remember how a friend's brother hated her for acing her exams for, he, a year younger to her, had to bear the brunt of it all, teachers one after the other saying, ' Your sister used to be so brilliant, what is wrong with you?'
What is considered as a way or encouraging or motivating becomes a reason for grudge and anger and what could become an extraordinary relationship becomes a raging battle of the nerves. Many avoid going to the same place together for fear that he wouldnt be able to make his mark with the persona and popularity of the other dominating the room. And it becomes worse if one is lesser 'good looking' than the other (by society's silly standards!)
I have some similar issues with two of my daughters, the younger one mostly less in demand, the eldest one basking in the attention being showered upon her by her cousins and friends. I dont blame her for she,being the eldest is used to being the centre of attention but I do try to sensitize her about her sister, encouraging her to include the little one in group activities and play. At times it works, at times it doesnt but I continue my job, drop by drop hoping for and witnessing results. At times I tell them stories about brothers and sisters who hush off the other because she is too young to play that particular game but then learns how wrong he was to do that. Thank God for this tender age as at this time they are avid listeners and absorb whatever you want them to learn.
Also sometimes I only take the younger one to a cousins or friends place so that she can have her own space to explore and discover life without having to constantly compete for attention in a battle where the odds are naturally not in her favour. This actually helps as when I took my younger one for her school interview, I saw a new side of her. Gone was the shy, timid Maryam and there was the confident, friendly little girl who had no issue in interacting with the head mistress and comfortably talked with her. Although our reason to send her to a different school is something else, but it has given her that space and air to bloom and blossom independently, without comparisons, at her own pace, in her own way.
Im seeing improvement already. Both are learning to love and share with each other, respect each other for their strengths and feel happy for each other (I think that is most important) We have consciously started making effort to appreciate them when they play together and share. We try not to give them examples of each other to motivate them but compare their behaviour with their own at a past moment. However, I think I still need to work harder on assuring them that they are not in a competition but are partners in a team and while other people may come and go, they wont find such lasting friendship elsewhere.,,,,,
'She's nothing like Maria!I don't know who she's taken to!' were the words of Maha's mother who was once again comparing Maha with her elder sister. While Maria was responsible, intelligent and outgoing, Maryam was careless, reserved and lost in her own world. The two undoubtedly had their own unique personalities but the contrast was too troubling for their family who unconsciously had started making regular mention of it on a daily basis.
Such situations are common spectacles in our households where siblings are very openly and insensitively discussed and compared with each other and what's worse, it is done in their very presence. While parents may think it is totally harmless and the kids dont have a clue of what they are talking about, kids consciously or unconsciously take influence from such discussions. Those admired feel more confident as well as burdened with expectations while those condemned/criticized further envelop in their cocoons, their confidence reducing even more, their self respect falling down, anger and frustration boiling inside them.
Another major downside of this scenario is the creation of animosity amongst siblings, who start eyeing each other as rivals or enemies, each regarding the other as the cause of trouble in her life. The responsible one blames the other for all the extra work she may have to do because of her carelessness while the careless one may blame the other for being too goody-two-shoes, trying to be mama's sweet heart. Moreover, if parents are adamant on raising clones, hardly anything the slow one would do will succeed to impress them for they would always compare it with the smart kid, who might have done it better or earlier at his stage.
Achievements of one lurk like a shadow over the other's head who unsuccessfully seeks to step out of it and stand in her own light. Be it school or home, either one is given example of his/her sibling to perform or improve like her. I remember how a friend's brother hated her for acing her exams for, he, a year younger to her, had to bear the brunt of it all, teachers one after the other saying, ' Your sister used to be so brilliant, what is wrong with you?'
What is considered as a way or encouraging or motivating becomes a reason for grudge and anger and what could become an extraordinary relationship becomes a raging battle of the nerves. Many avoid going to the same place together for fear that he wouldnt be able to make his mark with the persona and popularity of the other dominating the room. And it becomes worse if one is lesser 'good looking' than the other (by society's silly standards!)
I have some similar issues with two of my daughters, the younger one mostly less in demand, the eldest one basking in the attention being showered upon her by her cousins and friends. I dont blame her for she,being the eldest is used to being the centre of attention but I do try to sensitize her about her sister, encouraging her to include the little one in group activities and play. At times it works, at times it doesnt but I continue my job, drop by drop hoping for and witnessing results. At times I tell them stories about brothers and sisters who hush off the other because she is too young to play that particular game but then learns how wrong he was to do that. Thank God for this tender age as at this time they are avid listeners and absorb whatever you want them to learn.
Also sometimes I only take the younger one to a cousins or friends place so that she can have her own space to explore and discover life without having to constantly compete for attention in a battle where the odds are naturally not in her favour. This actually helps as when I took my younger one for her school interview, I saw a new side of her. Gone was the shy, timid Maryam and there was the confident, friendly little girl who had no issue in interacting with the head mistress and comfortably talked with her. Although our reason to send her to a different school is something else, but it has given her that space and air to bloom and blossom independently, without comparisons, at her own pace, in her own way.
Im seeing improvement already. Both are learning to love and share with each other, respect each other for their strengths and feel happy for each other (I think that is most important) We have consciously started making effort to appreciate them when they play together and share. We try not to give them examples of each other to motivate them but compare their behaviour with their own at a past moment. However, I think I still need to work harder on assuring them that they are not in a competition but are partners in a team and while other people may come and go, they wont find such lasting friendship elsewhere.,,,,,
Monday 14 September 2015
WHY JOIN RAHBAR?
- free pick n drop from stops near your home
- great opportunity to make new friends
- networking with people from diverse professions and backgrounds
- opportunity to improve communication skills
- discovering how all humans have dreams, problems, strengths, weaknesses yet what sets them apart is how they handle them all
- understanding different mindsets and realizing how you fall prey to self pity or rise to face challenges
- journey through the amazing,lifechanging milestones
- redefining and reflecting upon purpose of education, success,failure, happiness
- self reflection, analysis, improvement
- culture of positivity, non judgment, cooperation
- exploring the world beyond your own world
- identifying mindsets and mindset management
- opportunity to hear inspiring, memorable talk from hero speaker
- PARTY!!!!:DDDDD
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