Are we responsible for killing the human inside our children?
Ever since a child is a baby, he gets upset at the sight of a crying or troubled person or another baby so much so that he would cry if he sees another baby crying. We don't give it much thought and shrug it off as 'he's copying what he sees'. Rarely do we think that there could be more to it than meets the eye.
As he grows, he wants to sit and eat with the maid or driver chacha (lets keep the topic of the hygiene and character of maid n chacha for another time) leaving the well laid out dining table and opting to sit on the floor and eat with her from her simple plate and glass. Many wonder, what does he see in her, why does he do like this? Maybe hes trying to convey something to us but we choose not to hear and see.
As he grows, and so does his exposure, he notices the beggars on the streets. Again he feels for them but very soon hes told that they all are liars, cheats and professionals and he need not waste his emotions on them. The lesson is learned so well that in no time he himself is sensible enough to say ,'jao baba maaf karo!' his elders pleased that he has become street smart so early, no fear of him being fooled by just about anyone so easily, falling prey to their baseless tragic anecdotes.
The story doesn't end here. He then matures enough to watch the news on television. He sees the bombings in his own city, the tragic heat wave incident in Karachi and it shocks him but what shocks him more is the casualness of his elders at all these incidents as they comfortably laugh and plan a dinner meetup with their friends while watching the news. Aside from a statement or two cursing the government, they dont have much to say on the subject.
With time, his compassion for humans begins to depend on the faith, proximity, relation to and scale of the incident. He learns not to 'overreact', to sensibly weigh the situation and respond accordingly If its someone from his own faith, he feels more, if someone from his own country, it hurts more, if someone from his own family, it pains more. He is born as citizen of the world but his citizenship is narrowed down to the level where it is constrained to barely his own family and sometimes not even that. He becomes focused on his own personal satisfaction, growth and success. If he still has any insanity left, he is told, ' tum nai sari dunia ka theka liya hua hai? focus on your studies and progress. All this madness can wait, no need to get so emotional!' And so, embarrassed and somewhat confused, he drops the theka and carries on 'sensibly' focusing on becoming someone worthwhile! And by the time he gets there, the spirit has died down. All that he can manage, given his busy schedule and lifes' demands, is a hefty cheque in the name of some charity. Other than that, he doesn't have the time to sit with his own family even and give a comforting ear to their troubles and grievances. He has seen so much and been told to feel nothing that he programmes his brain to function like that. What his 'mentors' dont realize is that a time will come when even they wont be spared from this insensitivity, when they will be in pain or trouble and he will see them as just another overemotional drama.
So many kids go through this difficult time when they see violence, torture and injustice and feel entirely helpless at the sight of it all. Instead of appreciating and encouraging their emotions, elders tend to dissuade them from 'overreacting' and guide them the 'right' way. Maybe if they make the effort to take their kid to an orphanage, a trust hospital, a school for special children, a 'kachi abadi' only 5 mins drive from their home, and engage them in some charity work there, they wouldnt feel so helpless, frustrated and depressed. But they dont and so he is left to feel miserable AND helpless, a deadly combination. Soon he realizes that there is no point in feeling terrible when he basically cant 'save the world', so why make his own life pathetic too and as soon as this amazing revelation dawns on him, he chooses 'not to feel too much' for others and life is beautiful again.
A recent photograph in the news of a kid taking a selfie with his deceased grandfather is, while sickening, a symptom of many diseases, It speaks of the level of compassion n sanity left in us, a reflection of how relations are losing their importance n respect, how insensitivity that was once reserved for the outside world has entered our homes.Whats more is that it is becoming more and more challenging to raise thankful and happy kids because all we expose them to is perfection; either people like them or better than them with whom they love to draw comparisons Hardly do kids get to sit in the company of a blind cousin, a disabled class fellow, a financially struggling relative who we too meet without pitying him for his lack of blessings, but appreciate for his level of thankfulness and contentment. Nothing is enough for kids today, very little seems to please them and that too, not for long. We have turned them into 'receivers' , they always 'want' something, some place or some attention, rarely are they provided with opportunities to give, give hug to an ailing grandparent, give time to a younger sibling, give help to a maids child in school work. We worry too much, fear too much, lest he is left behind in this ruthless race, that may leave him breathless but shouldnt leave him without victory!! But in this fight, arent we losing something far more important??
Ever since a child is a baby, he gets upset at the sight of a crying or troubled person or another baby so much so that he would cry if he sees another baby crying. We don't give it much thought and shrug it off as 'he's copying what he sees'. Rarely do we think that there could be more to it than meets the eye.
As he grows, he wants to sit and eat with the maid or driver chacha (lets keep the topic of the hygiene and character of maid n chacha for another time) leaving the well laid out dining table and opting to sit on the floor and eat with her from her simple plate and glass. Many wonder, what does he see in her, why does he do like this? Maybe hes trying to convey something to us but we choose not to hear and see.
As he grows, and so does his exposure, he notices the beggars on the streets. Again he feels for them but very soon hes told that they all are liars, cheats and professionals and he need not waste his emotions on them. The lesson is learned so well that in no time he himself is sensible enough to say ,'jao baba maaf karo!' his elders pleased that he has become street smart so early, no fear of him being fooled by just about anyone so easily, falling prey to their baseless tragic anecdotes.
The story doesn't end here. He then matures enough to watch the news on television. He sees the bombings in his own city, the tragic heat wave incident in Karachi and it shocks him but what shocks him more is the casualness of his elders at all these incidents as they comfortably laugh and plan a dinner meetup with their friends while watching the news. Aside from a statement or two cursing the government, they dont have much to say on the subject.
With time, his compassion for humans begins to depend on the faith, proximity, relation to and scale of the incident. He learns not to 'overreact', to sensibly weigh the situation and respond accordingly If its someone from his own faith, he feels more, if someone from his own country, it hurts more, if someone from his own family, it pains more. He is born as citizen of the world but his citizenship is narrowed down to the level where it is constrained to barely his own family and sometimes not even that. He becomes focused on his own personal satisfaction, growth and success. If he still has any insanity left, he is told, ' tum nai sari dunia ka theka liya hua hai? focus on your studies and progress. All this madness can wait, no need to get so emotional!' And so, embarrassed and somewhat confused, he drops the theka and carries on 'sensibly' focusing on becoming someone worthwhile! And by the time he gets there, the spirit has died down. All that he can manage, given his busy schedule and lifes' demands, is a hefty cheque in the name of some charity. Other than that, he doesn't have the time to sit with his own family even and give a comforting ear to their troubles and grievances. He has seen so much and been told to feel nothing that he programmes his brain to function like that. What his 'mentors' dont realize is that a time will come when even they wont be spared from this insensitivity, when they will be in pain or trouble and he will see them as just another overemotional drama.
So many kids go through this difficult time when they see violence, torture and injustice and feel entirely helpless at the sight of it all. Instead of appreciating and encouraging their emotions, elders tend to dissuade them from 'overreacting' and guide them the 'right' way. Maybe if they make the effort to take their kid to an orphanage, a trust hospital, a school for special children, a 'kachi abadi' only 5 mins drive from their home, and engage them in some charity work there, they wouldnt feel so helpless, frustrated and depressed. But they dont and so he is left to feel miserable AND helpless, a deadly combination. Soon he realizes that there is no point in feeling terrible when he basically cant 'save the world', so why make his own life pathetic too and as soon as this amazing revelation dawns on him, he chooses 'not to feel too much' for others and life is beautiful again.
A recent photograph in the news of a kid taking a selfie with his deceased grandfather is, while sickening, a symptom of many diseases, It speaks of the level of compassion n sanity left in us, a reflection of how relations are losing their importance n respect, how insensitivity that was once reserved for the outside world has entered our homes.Whats more is that it is becoming more and more challenging to raise thankful and happy kids because all we expose them to is perfection; either people like them or better than them with whom they love to draw comparisons Hardly do kids get to sit in the company of a blind cousin, a disabled class fellow, a financially struggling relative who we too meet without pitying him for his lack of blessings, but appreciate for his level of thankfulness and contentment. Nothing is enough for kids today, very little seems to please them and that too, not for long. We have turned them into 'receivers' , they always 'want' something, some place or some attention, rarely are they provided with opportunities to give, give hug to an ailing grandparent, give time to a younger sibling, give help to a maids child in school work. We worry too much, fear too much, lest he is left behind in this ruthless race, that may leave him breathless but shouldnt leave him without victory!! But in this fight, arent we losing something far more important??
Very well said Sadaf. I've been troubled thinking what I should teach Nada about beggers around our car. So far I've just been silent. Can't figure it out yet.
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