Giving Liberates You!

Giving, if done the right way, can liberate you in ways beyond your imagination!

I still remember that scene at my uncles wedding. He, as the groom was receiving congratulations from the guests while his brother was opening every envelope and making notes of the 'salami' that had been handed over. I found it quite strange. Why make of list of who gave how much? Seemed quite awkward, especially for the guests, as it seemed like a headmaster was compiling their result right before their eyes, who got the highest and who got the lowest! The point, I later understood was to know how much did everyone give so that they could be returned the favour likewise, neither too high not too low than the amount received. 

Giving and receiving when calculated with such precision tends to lose its essence. If you start off with the intention to receive, if the motive behind giving is the return that may or should follow, it becomes an investment, a selfish act, that is meant to pay back and leads to frustration, disappointment  and even bitterness when the return doesn't come.

Same is the case with other forms of giving. If you give someone a compliment with the intention to receive one, you will not be as openhearted and generous with your praise as you would be without the desire of reciprocation. Many a times I have seen women hold back their praise for each other because they dont find in themselves the magnanimity of heart to do so. They dwell into all kinds of thoughts, grudges and insecurity that doesnt allow them to feel free and say what they truly feel, even if it means admiring someone they dont approve of otherwise. Many people feel jealous of each other and that jealousy holds them back from praising each others strengths and accomplishments. At times, people in the same house dont give help to each other because they know for a fact that the other one wont help them in their time of need. Sometimes it gets so bad that people dont even bother giving a smile to others, why waste muscles on someone who is an acclaimed snob! Not as if she will smile back at me!

Sometimes you need people in your life to believe in you, encourage you, give you confidence and when they dont do it, not only do you start doubting your own self, you close your 'doors of giving' for them. Just for revenges sake, you dont give them the encouragement, praise, faith that they may deserve and thus, you become imprisoned in your own need for receiving that holds you back from giving.

However, in the true sense, giving liberates you. When you give without the demand and expectation of any return, you are like a free bird, your wings wide open, your flight sky high, not a bit to hold you back. You set off on the journey of giving, giving encouragement, praise, love, help, smile, charity, comfort, support. You are above and beyond the calculations of the profit-loss statement, for you it is all profit as long as you are on the giving end. You enter a room and you have a good thing to say to 'everyone'! From the host to the maid, everyone is eager to greet you because they know here is one person who will make me feel good about myself. You meet the host and compliment her on arranging a wonderful event even though it may be a humble effort. You greet the old lady and are amazed by how fresh and healthy she looks.( She cant stop smiling for hours!) You see your distant uncle and admire him for his philanthropist engagements. You see that colleague who considers you a threat but still go and give her a smile and greetings. And you don't forget to greet the kids and insist that you want a picture with them fancy lot around you! Suddenly the atmosphere is positive, everyone is happy, everyone feels good about himself and you have programmed yourself to do all this because there is no better way to be and you secretly hope and pray that with time it becomes effortless for you, like a part of your nature, of you! You dont like remembering who praised you or your clothes or bag, you dont want to keep record of who brought which gifts or who wished you on your birthday or eid. You become a giver, a true giver, who gives to everyone who crosses her path, who knows no other way to live or to be, who has something for everyone and who is so busy giving that she has no time to bother, worry or crib about returns. Merely thinking about it gives a wonderful sense of liberation and power, I wonder how would it be to actually experience it!


But the million dollar question is how does one become like this? Well, the first step is to get comfortable in your own skin and accept yourself the way you are, infact love yourself although that doesnt mean one shouldnt strive to become a better person. Its just that if you believe in yourself, if you take charge and control of your own moods, morale, happiness, confidence,will power ,conviction and faith, you free yourself from needing others to give these all to you. Hence, you dont care about returns. Secondly, give to those who you are sure wont or cant return the gesture or act.That way, you will train yourself to settle for a one way deal and when and if returns come, they'd be a pleasant surprise, a welcome gesture but certainly not the driving force behind your 'giving streak.'Thirdly, make a conscious effort to give from the moment you start your day. It's as if you have a basketful of treats to distribute to all you meet and your success is in returning with the basket empty, the goodies all shared with the people you met that day. Trust me, you will sleep a happy, content person. Fourthly, focus on the positives of everyone you meet be it your hot tempered boss or your mean spirited neighbour. The more you appreciate their qualities, the more you boost their morale and spirit, the better will be the results for you. Lastly, develop compassion and understanding for those who are stingy in giving, for they may have a life more difficult, harsher than yours that dampened their spirit of giving and they just couldnt find it in themselves to give even a smile, a pat, a hug or a word of praise and encouragement. Yes, they may give you smirks, criticism, doubt, discouraging remarks but what else does one give others than what one has! Show them there are better things that one person can give to another!

We've all heard the quotation that 'its better to give than to receive.' I always thought it was meant as a consolation and an encouragement otherwise how can one feel better in giving than receiving? However, I now understand that we mistook 'trading' for giving. We never really 'gave' in the true sense of the word but traded our deeds and acts for returns and thus, never tasted the pleasures of giving for the sake of giving. Im sure it will be as rewarding as we have always been told, and what better way to find out than to try it out yourself!